1988 Draft of Life
No u
Earned Fuck Average
[20:54] gochrisuniverse: you playin’ 2k10 huh?
[20:56] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: yep
[20:56] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: explain to me how i have a 2.06 era but a 3-3 record?
[20:57] gochrisuniverse: what if prostitution was our national past-time?
[20:57] gochrisuniverse: bitches havin’ an earned fuck average
[20:57] gochrisuniverse: on the back of a card
[20:57] gochrisuniverse: spread eagle on the front
[20:57] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: hahaha
[20:57] gochrisuniverse: all-star edition
[20:57] gochrisuniverse: holographic
[20:58] gochrisuniverse: with a piece of bubble gum in the pack
[20:58] gochrisuniverse: ayo ian
[20:58] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: ?
[20:58] gochrisuniverse: i’ll trade you this rookie season daisy duke for your ‘83 all-star holograph ms sunshine card
[20:58] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: no way
[20:58] gochrisuniverse: aw man
[20:58] gochrisuniverse: c’mon!
[20:58] gochrisuniverse: that’s a steal
[20:58] gochrisuniverse: i’ll throw in
[20:58] gochrisuniverse: okay
[20:58] gochrisuniverse: i’ll throw in
[20:59] gochrisuniverse: 2 veronica taylor cards from when she was with Pimpin’ C
[20:59] gochrisuniverse: those were her glory days, man
[20:59] gochrisuniverse: that’s such a catch
[20:59] gochrisuniverse: 3 for 1
[20:59] gochrisuniverse: wudduyasay?
[20:59] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: i’d say you’re tryin’ to rip me off
[20:59] gochrisuniverse: nah man!
[20:59] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: I’d say
[21:00] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: you have to throw in your Mz. Heatnips ‘73 rookie card to make that deal official
[21:02] gochrisuniverse: okay, okay. but if i throw in ‘73 nips, you gotta’ toss in that record-blowjob season, ‘82 tugboat tammy
[21:02] gochrisuniverse: she wasn’t even hot, dude
[21:02] gochrisuniverse: she was always 3rd string
[21:02] gochrisuniverse: but it evens out the deal
[21:02] gochrisuniverse: you know this
[21:02] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: okay fine but you gotta throw in your lebron james rookie card.
You better call Tyrone
I’m a fuckin doctor
Legitimately retarded
OH MY GAWD WE’RE BACK AGAIN
[16:30] THISPARTYISNSFW: So basically
[16:31] THISPARTYISNSFW: I installed Google Analytics in my asshole.
[16:31] THISPARTYISNSFW: According to these numbers, I have shit more times in this last week than in any two months in 2009 combined.
HERP DERP
Ode to Kristen Bell
The things I would do to you.
You have no idea.
put a baby in that ass
let me see that smile
forgetting sarah marshall
you can thank kristen
i would have let her do it
then do mila, dawg
Renowned cocaine connoisseur
My father’s father
Neh neh neh I wath juth
Vegeta and Napa go to Old Navy
Fuck everything
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (8:13:11 PM): ahem
Ode to Greene
good thing you did twilight, dawg
i’m going to take half
Twilight is fucking gay, dawg
But I would wreck that.
she’s shotgun in my countach
contemplate that shit
WHIPPED OUT THE JAMMIE
PEACEBITCH
We’re fucking ruthless
We don’t have to be shit
OK, we have to be friends now. This is toooo funny!
Write me back soon!
-Tess“
Drop it low, bitch
Captain Pinbacker
I’m fuckin ruthless
OH NAW
Certified Beautiful
SO DON'T BE A HERO!
gochrisuniverse (12:37:59 AM): DEAR FUCKING DIARY
gochrisuniverse (12:38:00 AM): DAY 3
gochrisuniverse (12:38:02 AM): LOSING MOMENTUM
gochrisuniverse (12:38:07 AM): LOVE, CHRIS
THISPARTYISNSFW (12:38:07 AM): We will make MMX the shit.
THISPARTYISNSFW (12:38:11 AM): We will make it.
THISPARTYISNSFW (12:38:15 AM): By force, if we have to.
THISPARTYISNSFW (12:38:19 AM): [cocks gun]
THISPARTYISNSFW (12:38:48 AM): I need MMX to know that we don’t want to hurt it, and that we won’t have to if it does what we tell it to do.
THISPARTYISNSFW (12:38:52 AM): EYES DOWN!
THISPARTYISNSFW (12:38:57 AM): EYES FUCKING DOWN!
THISPARTYISNSFW (12:39:07 AM): DON’T TRY TO BE A HERO, JANUARY.
gochrisuniverse (12:39:19 AM): JANUARY, YOU GOT KIDS?
gochrisuniverse (12:39:23 AM): YOU GOT A WIFE?
THISPARTYISNSFW (12:39:27 AM): JANUARY.
THISPARTYISNSFW (12:39:31 AM): WE’RE FUCKING TALKING TO YOU.
gochrisuniverse (12:39:44 AM): LOOK AT ME, JANUARY!
gochrisuniverse (12:39:48 AM): EYES FUCKING DOWN!
gochrisuniverse (12:39:52 AM): DON’T YOU LOOK AT ME!
THISPARTYISNSFW (12:40:11 AM): MR. C, SHOW HIM HOW MUCH WE DON’T LIKE HEROES.
gochrisuniverse (12:40:35 AM): *smashes january’s face with the butt of his shotgun*
THISPARTYISNSFW (12:40:43 AM): You see, Jan?
THISPARTYISNSFW (12:40:51 AM): You see what happens when you don’t listen?
gochrisuniverse (12:40:54 AM): I DIDN’T WANT TO DO THAT, JANUARY
THISPARTYISNSFW (12:41:13 AM): Mr. C here has to introduce you to his friend over there.
THISPARTYISNSFW (12:41:28 AM): And his friend is very temperamental.
THISPARTYISNSFW (12:41:57 AM): Now be good and PUT YOUR FUCKING HANDS BEHIND YOUR FUCKING HEAD AND PUT THAT FUCKING HEAD ON THE GODDAMNFLOOR.
gochrisuniverse (12:42:06 AM): NOW!
gochrisuniverse (12:42:11 AM): AND FOR THE REST OF YOU FUCKING MONTHS,
gochrisuniverse (12:42:23 AM): WE DON’T WANT YOUR AWESOME, WE WANT THE YEARS AWESOME.
gochrisuniverse (12:42:34 AM): YOUR AWESOME IS INSURED BY THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT AND THE FDIC!
gochrisuniverse (12:42:41 AM): SO DON’T. BE. A. HERO!
EST+5:00
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (11:49:55 PM): joe’s gonna’ be mad
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (11:50:01 PM): that i’m posting so many posts in a row
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (11:50:05 PM): lmao
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (11:51:11 PM): i’m saving them for tomorrow
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (11:51:13 PM): lol
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (11:51:27 PM): it’s tomorrow right now
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (11:51:54 PM): yeah, there
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (11:52:11 PM): i’ve told you before
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (11:52:19 PM): the only timezone that exists is GMT-5:00
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (11:52:35 PM): gmt doesn’t even exist.
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (11:52:48 PM): gmt is really just EST+5:00
Inherent danger
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (11:49:10 PM): who knew there was a fucking inherent danger to being this comprehensive?
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (11:49:23 PM): there’s danger in everything, dawg
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (11:49:28 PM): i mean
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (11:49:31 PM): sunsets themselves
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (11:49:34 PM): coke is no toy.
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (11:49:40 PM): neither are ferraris.
Almost too contemplative
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (11:41:02 PM): fucking
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (11:41:09 PM): the official video for enjoy the silence
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (11:41:13 PM): the beginning is so sick
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (11:41:17 PM): hahaha i know
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (11:41:17 PM): the extended beginning
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (11:41:40 PM): one of the downsides to contemplating is that sometimes
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (11:41:44 PM): it can just be depressing
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (11:41:47 PM): like
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (11:41:53 PM): the first 20 seconds of that video
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (11:41:56 PM): you’re contemplating
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (11:41:58 PM): they’re contemplating
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (11:42:00 PM): the black and white
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (11:42:02 PM): the roses
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (11:42:06 PM): it’s heavy shit
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (11:42:10 PM): it’s a heavy burden to take on
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (11:42:16 PM): that’s why not so many can handle that kinda’ heat
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (11:42:19 PM): like i told you
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (11:42:24 PM): that video makes me want to kill myself
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (11:42:32 PM): it really does
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (11:42:34 PM): it’s almost too contemplative
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (11:42:43 PM): if there ever were such a thing
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (11:42:50 PM): indeed
That's romantic
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (11:14:22 PM): who THE FUCK walks in the rain?
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (11:16:09 PM): idiots
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (11:16:17 PM): i hate walking in the rain, man
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (11:16:20 PM): shit isn’t romantic
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (11:16:22 PM): it’s just stupid
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (11:16:26 PM): you know what’s romantic?
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (11:16:28 PM): walking on the beach
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (11:16:30 PM): during a sunset.
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (11:16:32 PM): that’s romantic.
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (11:16:40 PM): that gets me a boner just thinkin’ about it
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (11:16:45 PM): hell, it’s romantic all alone
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (11:16:51 PM): i know.
Bunk ass Chris ass Universe
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (8:08:12 PM): what?
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (8:08:18 PM): look at the post
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (8:08:24 PM): huge takes up another one of my lines
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (8:08:31 PM): oh, hahahahahaha
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (8:08:47 PM): your fucked up gold fucked up my code, dawg
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (8:08:54 PM): lol
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (8:09:01 PM): your code is bunk dawg
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (8:09:07 PM): your fucking gold is bunk
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (8:09:15 PM): you’re bunk
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (8:09:16 PM): bunk ass gold ass shit
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (8:09:27 PM): bunk ass chris ass universe
Pumpkin head lookin' baby
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (7:50:11 PM): and fat
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (7:50:19 PM): babies just be havin’ ROLLS
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (7:50:18 PM): that is not cute
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (7:50:24 PM): that baby’s fuckin’ head is HUGE
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (7:50:46 PM): fake ass lookin’ baby
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (7:50:54 PM): lookin’ like a doll
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (7:50:59 PM): that baby looks fuckin’ fake
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (7:51:04 PM): fuckin’ big headed fake ass baby
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (7:51:13 PM): i bet you that motherfucker is like 35
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (7:51:16 PM): hahahaha
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (7:51:20 PM): like that fuckin’ marlon wayans movie
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (7:51:22 PM): lil’ pimp
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (7:51:53 PM): dawg
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (7:51:57 PM): that baby’s head is
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (7:51:57 PM): HUGE
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (7:52:09 PM): for real.
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (7:52:28 PM): hahahahahaha
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (7:52:46 PM): fuckin’ pumpkin head lookin’ baby
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (7:53:00 PM): fuckin’ hot air balloon and shit
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (7:53:08 PM): i’m about to cut that baby’s head off
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (7:53:11 PM): and attach a basket too it
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (7:53:15 PM): and light a fire under it
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (7:53:19 PM): and float into the sunset
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (7:53:39 PM): man
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (7:53:42 PM): i was about to open an IM to you
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (7:53:46 PM): and copy and paste that shit to yourself
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (7:53:49 PM): hahahahaha
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (7:53:53 PM): that’s how dope i am
Joseph Manibusan as RDII
Conniving demon women
EclecticNative (2:57:12 AM): and i’m not down with wearing loud colors man
Leather cutlery
GOCHRISUNIVERSE (12:02:02 AM): hahaha, i picture you kicking the front door open
Weak to fucking nothing
The sun will always set
[11:21] THISPARTYISNSFW: Next thing you know I’m walking along some train tracks and all my belongings are in a handkerchief hanging from a stick.
[11:22] gochrisuniverse: dressed nice as FUCK
[11:22] gochrisuniverse: like, ayo
[11:22] gochrisuniverse: joe
[11:22] gochrisuniverse: you da bes lookin’ vagrant i know
[11:22] THISPARTYISNSFW: Baby.
[11:22] THISPARTYISNSFW: That’s cause in poverty or in wealth, the sun will always set.
Sheer Khan, Leo, and Baloo
[16:08] THISPARTYISNSFW: Man, you seen this shit about the lion, tiger, and bear that live together in captivity?
[16:08] gochrisuniverse: naw
[16:08] THISPARTYISNSFW: Shit is so goddamn cute.
[16:14] gochrisuniverse: that’s the cutest shit i’ve ever seen
[16:14] THISPARTYISNSFW: They’re just fuckin’ friends, dawg.
[16:14] THISPARTYISNSFW: Budz.
[16:14] THISPARTYISNSFW: Leo, Baloo, and Sheer Khan.
[16:15] THISPARTYISNSFW: Fuck.
[16:15] THISPARTYISNSFW: I wanna give them all a big fuckin’ hug.
[16:15] THISPARTYISNSFW: And tell ‘em it’s all good.
[16:15] THISPARTYISNSFW: Like
[16:15] THISPARTYISNSFW: *hug*
[16:15] THISPARTYISNSFW: “It’s all good, dudes. It’s all good.”
[16:16] THISPARTYISNSFW: They’re all big and fluffy and shit.
[16:16] THISPARTYISNSFW: And they lazily fall in the dirt.
[16:16] gochrisuniverse: and the felines are all chubby
[16:16] THISPARTYISNSFW: We will just have fun all day.
[16:16] THISPARTYISNSFW: Meeh ‘n Mah Budz
[16:16] THISPARTYISNSFW: That’s our group name.
[16:16] gochrisuniverse: the tiger wakes up
[16:16] gochrisuniverse: and he’s all
[16:16] gochrisuniverse: ITZ FUNNNNNNN DAAAAAAAAYYYYY!
[16:17] THISPARTYISNSFW: AHHHHHHH!!!
[16:17] gochrisuniverse: and the other two wake up
[16:17] gochrisuniverse: all happy
[16:17] gochrisuniverse: FUN DAY?!
[16:17] THISPARTYISNSFW: They’re already a fucking weird ass trio, what’s adding a human gonna do?
[16:17] THISPARTYISNSFW: I’m all naked and slowly approaching them in the middle of the day while they’re chillin.
[16:18] THISPARTYISNSFW: “Ay dudes it’s cool I’m just here to kick it. I brought meat.“
[16:18] gochrisuniverse: hahahaha
[16:18] gochrisuniverse: “beer and raw meat. who’s game?”
[16:18] THISPARTYISNSFW: Or I’m just already chillin out there, playing with a ball all naked and shit in the dirt.
[16:18] THISPARTYISNSFW: Havin’ a blast.
[16:19] THISPARTYISNSFW: Sheer Khan comes up to me like:
[16:19] THISPARTYISNSFW: “Hey, what’s up man? Yeah? Cool, cool. So, uh, yeah, who do you know here?”
[16:19] gochrisuniverse: HAHAHAHAHA
[16:20] THISPARTYISNSFW: Fuckin’ kicks me out cause I didn’t bring any females and shit.
[16:20] THISPARTYISNSFW: I can’t blame him, though.
[16:20] THISPARTYISNSFW: That’s my bad.
ESKIMO BLOG BROS!
[15:53] gochrisuniverse: i love talking about hits and shit to you
[15:53] gochrisuniverse: because you have like
[15:53] gochrisuniverse: 3000 followers
[15:53] gochrisuniverse: and i have 30
[15:53] d3sboobs: hahaha
[15:53] gochrisuniverse: i’m all, “134 hits today woo!”
[15:53] gochrisuniverse: and you’re all
[15:54] gochrisuniverse: “i shit 134 hits”
[15:54] d3sboobs: hahahahahahhahaha
[15:54] gochrisuniverse: “the shit i shit checks out my blog, dawg”
[15:55] gochrisuniverse: sometimes, i feel like i’m using you
[15:55] gochrisuniverse: but you offer, so it’s okay
[15:55] gochrisuniverse: it’s like turning down sex
[15:55] gochrisuniverse: that’ll never happen
[15:56] d3sboobs: its not you babe, its your blog
[15:56] gochrisuniverse: i really wonder like,
[15:56] gochrisuniverse: what’s the next step for us, ya’ know?
[15:56] gochrisuniverse: where is this going?
[15:56] gochrisuniverse: what’s this all mean, ya’ know?
[15:57] d3sboobs: oh sometimes i dont even know ya’know?
[15:57] gochrisuniverse: sometimes i’m like
[15:57] gochrisuniverse: wow
[15:57] gochrisuniverse: this blog is amazing
[15:57] gochrisuniverse: and i love spending time with it
[15:57] gochrisuniverse: but then other times, i’m like
[15:57] gochrisuniverse: i don’t even KNOW this blog
[15:57] d3sboobs: you know the blog is pretty popular.
[15:57] d3sboobs: i mean
[15:58] d3sboobs: its like we’re the cheerleader of the blog school
[15:58] d3sboobs: and youre the cute quirky blog that we met in journalism class (extra credit like of course!).. and its on some down low thing
[15:58] gochrisuniverse: hahahaha
[15:58] gochrisuniverse: you didn’t expect me to be cool and charming
[15:59] gochrisuniverse: but as you got to know me
[15:59] gochrisuniverse: and i helped you with your homework a little
[15:59] gochrisuniverse: you came to see me for the blog i am
[15:59] d3sboobs: you opened up my blog eyes
[15:59] gochrisuniverse: then i blogged in them
[15:59] d3sboobs: blogged all over them
[15:59] d3sboobs: DUN DUN DUN
[15:59] gochrisuniverse: hahaha
[16:00] d3sboobs: blogz
[16:00] gochrisuniverse: then joe will be like
[16:00] gochrisuniverse: sup dude, how was last night?
[16:00] gochrisuniverse: and i’ll be all
[16:00] gochrisuniverse: “busted such a huge blog, dude”
[16:01] d3sboobs: joe will be like dude “ESKIMO BLOG BROS!”
Kenny Powers as Ian Cocaine
[23:37] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: who shall play me?
[23:37] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: i need some crooked ass motherfucker
[23:37] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: like kenny powers
[23:37] gochrisuniverse: dude
[23:37] gochrisuniverse: that’s perfect
[23:37] gochrisuniverse: the guy that plays kenny powers, as kenny powers, playing you
[23:37] gochrisuniverse: it’s perfect
[23:38] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: fuck
[23:38] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: that’s so it
[23:39] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: also
[23:39] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: i will not sign my likeness over
[23:39] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: unless i’m romantically involved with rachel mcadams
[23:40] gochrisuniverse: haha
[23:40] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: i’m not fucking around.
Benjamin Bratt as Joseph Manibusan
[21:15] THISPARTYISNSFW: Dude.
[21:15] THISPARTYISNSFW: Why don’t we write a fucking movie?
[21:15] THISPARTYISNSFW: Like Steak.
[21:15] THISPARTYISNSFW: Except about this shit.
[21:16] THISPARTYISNSFW: Or fuck, I’ll write it and you can be my aid in staying consistent.
[21:16] THISPARTYISNSFW: Help maintain the feel.
[21:16] gochrisuniverse: in.
[21:16] gochrisuniverse: so in.
[21:16] THISPARTYISNSFW: It’s just a badass movie about some badass dudes living in a different decade.
[21:16] THISPARTYISNSFW: But instead of being criticized for it, they’re actually looked up to.
[21:17] THISPARTYISNSFW: Appreciated.
[21:17] gochrisuniverse: steak meets dead poets meets zoolander
[21:17] gochrisuniverse: we’ll get james cameron to direct
[21:17] THISPARTYISNSFW: Use the 3D and CG tech from Avatar.
[21:18] gochrisuniverse: opening scene is a full-frame shot of the available courses for the upcoming fall semester
[21:18] gochrisuniverse: the camera pans down
[21:19] gochrisuniverse: until it stops at cont. theory, 204
[21:19] THISPARTYISNSFW: And that’s the title of the movie.
[21:20] gochrisuniverse: will ferrell can’t be in it
[21:20] THISPARTYISNSFW: No.
[21:20] THISPARTYISNSFW: Absolutely not.
[21:20] THISPARTYISNSFW: Well.
[21:20] THISPARTYISNSFW: Maybe as the Dean.
[21:20] gochrisuniverse: i was gonna’ say that
[21:20] gochrisuniverse: but then michael ironside popped into my head
[21:21] gochrisuniverse: maybe you remember him from such classics as top gun
[21:21] THISPARTYISNSFW: Ooh, he’s also a good Dean.
[21:21] gochrisuniverse: benjamin bratt can play you
[21:21] THISPARTYISNSFW: Or Don Johnson.
[21:21] THISPARTYISNSFW: As the Dean
[21:21] gochrisuniverse: don!
[21:21] gochrisuniverse: yes
[21:21] gochrisuniverse: or kurt russell
[21:21] THISPARTYISNSFW: Hahahahaha Benjamin Bratt!
[21:22] THISPARTYISNSFW: That so works.
[21:22] gochrisuniverse: who’s gonna’ be me…
[21:22] gochrisuniverse: robert downey jr
[21:22] gochrisuniverse: nah, nah
[21:22] THISPARTYISNSFW: He’s too much of a leading man.
[21:22] THISPARTYISNSFW: You need someone who will work well with Ben.
[21:23] gochrisuniverse: gosh, who could pull me off…
[21:23] gochrisuniverse: hell
[21:23] gochrisuniverse: with advancements in modern technology
[21:23] gochrisuniverse: ben could play both of us
[21:23] THISPARTYISNSFW: Hahahahaha
[21:24] gochrisuniverse: ray j can play me
[21:24] THISPARTYISNSFW: lmao.
[21:24] THISPARTYISNSFW: Ray J
[21:24] THISPARTYISNSFW: Nah, I’m gonna come up with two people and we’re gonna be all about it.
[21:25] gochrisuniverse: who the fuck is gonna’ play me?
[21:25] THISPARTYISNSFW: I dunno, but I don’t want Ben anymore.
[21:25] gochrisuniverse: i wouldn’t either
[21:25] gochrisuniverse: that fool is a hack
[21:26] THISPARTYISNSFW: He would have been good if we were making this in 1993
[21:26] gochrisuniverse: why?
[21:26] THISPARTYISNSFW: Cause he looks like a 1993 actor.
[21:26] THISPARTYISNSFW: In a movie you could still only get on VHS.
Contemplative Theory, The Movie I
[20:50] THISPARTYISNSFW: Damn, I wish Contemplative Theory 204 was a real class.
[20:50] gochrisuniverse: we should write up a course description and lesson plan
[20:51] gochrisuniverse: some stupid arch-liberal college will like it and take us in
[20:51] THISPARTYISNSFW: Hahahaha
[20:51] THISPARTYISNSFW: And all of a sudden we’re Co-Professors to a class of 300 students.
[20:51] THISPARTYISNSFW: 75% chicks.
[20:52] THISPARTYISNSFW: 50% of that are blonde.
[20:52] THISPARTYISNSFW: 50% are brunette.
[20:52] THISPARTYISNSFW: 100% are hot.
[20:52] THISPARTYISNSFW: 60% would be described as beautiful.
[20:52] gochrisuniverse: that’s the best class breakdown ever
[20:52] THISPARTYISNSFW: 45% would be described as sexy.
[20:52] gochrisuniverse: 65% want to fuck us
[20:53] gochrisuniverse: 35% of those want to fuck us both
[20:53] THISPARTYISNSFW: 100% want to marry us.
[20:53] gochrisuniverse: 100% of those want us to eiffel them after we give the lecture
[20:53] THISPARTYISNSFW: We allow 315 students into the class.
[20:53] THISPARTYISNSFW: Because we’re down with 105%.
[20:53] gochrisuniverse: hahaha
[20:54] gochrisuniverse: we’ll break down 80s lyrics
[20:54] gochrisuniverse: like classic literature
[20:54] THISPARTYISNSFW: We’ll teach the guys in the class how to contemplate thoroughly, and we’ll teach the girls how to give that supportive gaze.
[20:55] THISPARTYISNSFW: Discovery will approach us with a deal for a reality show.
[20:55] THISPARTYISNSFW: We’ll turn them down.
[20:55] THISPARTYISNSFW: We’ll publish a book and a documentary instead.
[20:55] THISPARTYISNSFW: Because reality is cheap.
[20:56] gochrisuniverse: reality is the arch nemesis of sunsets
[20:56] THISPARTYISNSFW: Every class starts with a projection of a slideshow of sunsets.
[20:56] THISPARTYISNSFW: One for every time zone.
[20:57] gochrisuniverse: POP QUIZ, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
[20:57] gochrisuniverse: everyone’s all, “awwwwwwwwwuuuuhhhhhhhhhh”
[20:57] THISPARTYISNSFW: “POP QUIZ, PENCILS OUT.”
[20:57] gochrisuniverse: WHAT YOU HAVE BEFORE YOU IS A SERIES OF SUNSETS
[20:57] gochrisuniverse: ONE FOR EACH TIME ZONE
[20:58] gochrisuniverse: EACH IN A MAJOR WORLD METROPOLIS
[20:58] THISPARTYISNSFW: “I WANT A ONE PAGE ANALYSIS ON THE SUNSET THAT STRIKES YOU THE MOST.”
[20:58] THISPARTYISNSFW: “WHAT AND HOW IT MAKES YOU FEEL. WHAT IT MAKES YOU THINK OF.”
[20:59] THISPARTYISNSFW: “YOU HAVE UNTIL THE END OF THE HOUR TO COMPLETE THIS ASSIGNMENT.”
[20:59] THISPARTYISNSFW: “GO AHEAD AND BEGIN.”
[20:59] gochrisuniverse: “EXTRA CREDIT TO THE SCHOLAR WHO CAN TELL ME THE COLOR OF THE ONE-PIECE WORN BY THE ASPIRING SUPER MODEL OUT OF FRAME. AND SHOOOOOOOOW YOUR WORK!”
[21:00] THISPARTYISNSFW: A dude walks up to our desk 15 minutes later.
[21:00] THISPARTYISNSFW: He’s wearing a suit jacket with the sleeves rolled up.
[21:00] THISPARTYISNSFW: The shirt underneath is teal.
[21:00] THISPARTYISNSFW: We’re sitting at our desks that face each other, and are at a 90° angle to the rest of the class.
[21:01] gochrisuniverse: THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I HAD IN MIND!
[21:01] THISPARTYISNSFW: My feet are up, I’ve got one hand behind my head, and I’m sipping coffee out of a pure white mug.
[21:01] gochrisuniverse: i’m on my desk
[21:01] gochrisuniverse: in that quintessential position
[21:01] gochrisuniverse: one knee up
[21:01] gochrisuniverse: back against the chalk board
[21:02] THISPARTYISNSFW: You’re listening to a Walkman.
[21:02] THISPARTYISNSFW: It’s playing a In the Air Tonight.
[21:03] THISPARTYISNSFW: You can hear it faintly.
[21:03] THISPARTYISNSFW: I look up from my mug, and your attention is turned to the student standing at the desk.
[21:03] THISPARTYISNSFW: He drops his paper in front of me.
[21:03] THISPARTYISNSFW: I take a look at it and I smirk.
[21:03] THISPARTYISNSFW: I show it to you.
[21:04] THISPARTYISNSFW: You lift your brow to look at him.
[21:04] THISPARTYISNSFW: Without completely lifting your head, you exclaim:
[21:04] THISPARTYISNSFW: “LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I’D LIKE YOU TO ALL LOOK UP HERE, PLEASE.”
[21:05] THISPARTYISNSFW: “TAKE A LOOK AT MR. DAVIDSON HERE. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MAN JUST TURNED IN FOR THIS ASSIGNMENT?”
[21:05] THISPARTYISNSFW: I chime in:
[21:05] THISPARTYISNSFW: “AN ILLUSTRATION OF SUNGLASSES.”
[21:06] THISPARTYISNSFW: “THIS MAN, HE GETS IT. YOU SHOULD ALL BE GETTING YOUR NOTES FROM HIM.”
[21:06] THISPARTYISNSFW: I hand his paper back to him.
[21:06] THISPARTYISNSFW: I stand very close, and without looking him in the eye, I say, “Congratulations, Mr. Davidson. You are this course’s first S.”
[21:07] THISPARTYISNSFW: We both put our sunglasses on and exit the room.
[21:07] THISPARTYISNSFW: The students are blown away.
[21:07] THISPARTYISNSFW: Later on that evening we’re contacted by the Nobel Prize Committee.
[21:08] gochrisuniverse: while we were at club sunsets
[21:08] THISPARTYISNSFW: We’ve been nominated and selected as winners.
[21:08] gochrisuniverse: after one weeks worth of class
[21:08] THISPARTYISNSFW: For bringing contemplation to the population.
Contemplative Theory, The Movie II
[21:08] gochrisuniverse: the next day of class
[21:09] gochrisuniverse: the students walk into the room
[21:09] gochrisuniverse: the seats are re-arranged into a circle
[21:09] gochrisuniverse: but the circle meets the wall
[21:09] gochrisuniverse: so one “side” of the circle is flat
[21:09] gochrisuniverse: (yes, 315 seats)
[21:09] THISPARTYISNSFW: Hahahahaha
[21:09] gochrisuniverse: the students all take their seats
[21:09] THISPARTYISNSFW: We had Louis do it.
[21:09] gochrisuniverse: of course
[21:10] gochrisuniverse: “SOMEONE TELL ME… WHY THE SEATS ARE LIKE THIS.”
[21:10] gochrisuniverse: no one says anything
[21:10] gochrisuniverse: i slam my hand against the chalkboard
[21:11] gochrisuniverse: “SOMEONE OTHER THAN MR DAVIDSON, TELL ME WHY THE SEATS ARE ARRANGED AS THEY ARE.”
[21:11] gochrisuniverse: chester meekly raises his hand
[21:11] gochrisuniverse: you’re just at your desk, reading harper’s bizaar
[21:11] gochrisuniverse: “CHESTER, WHAT CAN YOU TELL ME?”
[21:12] gochrisuniverse: “s-sir… i believe it is a waxing moo–”
[21:12] gochrisuniverse: “WRONG!”
[21:13] gochrisuniverse: “PROFESSOR MANIBUSAN, INFORM THE CLASS WHAT THE SEATS REPRESENT.”
[21:13] THISPARTYISNSFW: I look up from the Bazaar.
[21:14] THISPARTYISNSFW: “Ladies and gentlemen, what you are currently sitting in, and I am casually gazing at, is an architectural representation of a sunset. Please, contemplate.”
[21:14] gochrisuniverse: everyone assumes a contemplative position
[21:14] gochrisuniverse: “Very good, class. Very gooood. I can tell some of you have been doing your homework!”
Gossip Girls
[22:15] gochrisuniverse: i’m talking with taylor right now
[22:16] THISPARTYISNSFW: I’m glad she’s a legit fan.
[22:16] gochrisuniverse: she was all
[22:16] gochrisuniverse: “i love the posts. they’re the most descriptive aim conversations i’ve ever seen”
[22:17] THISPARTYISNSFW: It’s what the fuck we do, baby.
[22:17] THISPARTYISNSFW: She needs to tell all her friends.
[22:18] THISPARTYISNSFW: And they need to gossip about which one is their favorite
Personal Jesus
Collective Universe VI – Jokerboobs
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (4:18:33 PM): chris
Collective Universe V – Cocksman?
[16:36] slabcobot: theres a story to the whole thing
[16:36] slabcobot: cause he has this girlfriend, who he likes fuking more than anyone else
[16:37] slabcobot: but for some reason just cant commit
[16:37] slabcobot: and hes totally depressed.. but doesnt put the 2 together
[16:37] THISPARTYISNSFW: He can’t commit to her, or she can’t commit to him?
[16:37] slabcobot: he cant
[16:37] THISPARTYISNSFW: It’s because he’s a cocksman.
[16:37] slabcobot: totally
[16:38] slabcobot: but thats the weird thing.. hes constantly saying how the girls dont compare to cindy
[16:38] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: Cocksman?
[16:38] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: if that’s like a swordsman, that’s pretty incredible.
[16:38] THISPARTYISNSFW: It’s like a swordsman.
[16:38] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: Smooth.
[16:38] THISPARTYISNSFW: Who does chicks in with his sword.
[16:38] THISPARTYISNSFW: Cocksword
[16:39] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: You’re a wordsmith
[16:39] THISPARTYISNSFW: Admittedly, I got it from Wedding Crashers.
[16:39] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: How the fuck do I not remember that?
[16:39] slabcobot: slacking
[16:39] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: Must be it
[16:39] THISPARTYISNSFW: they’re in the church at the Cleary’s wedding
[16:40] THISPARTYISNSFW: And Vince Vaughn is doing a terrible job at whispering
[16:40] THISPARTYISNSFW: “She was my first Asian!”
[16:40] THISPARTYISNSFW: Everyone looks.
[16:40] THISPARTYISNSFW: “Say it a little louder why don’t you? I don’t think the priest could hear you.”
[16:40] THISPARTYISNSFW: “I’m sorry, I’m a cocksman.”
[16:40] THISPARTYISNSFW: Everyone looks again.
[16:41] tinainreallife: haha
[16:41] tinainreallife: I don’t need to watch the movie. I want you to act it out, Joe.
[16:41] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: Oh, it’s one of the scenes where Rachel McAdams isn’t the focal point, that’s why I don’t remember it
[16:41] THISPARTYISNSFW: Rachel McMywife?
[16:41] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: Don’t make me fight you
[16:41] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: that shit almost tore apart the friendship between Chris and I
[16:42] THISPARTYISNSFW: I don’t want to fight, Ian.
[16:42] THISPARTYISNSFW: You have that crazy big bat.
[16:42] THISPARTYISNSFW: That comically sized bat.
[16:43] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: hahaha
[16:43] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: I wish I had that thing
[16:43] THISPARTYISNSFW: Dingers
[16:43] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: crushing dingers, it’s what i do
Collective Universe IV – Gang mentality
[16:13] tinainreallife: In Washington, we’d always have some sort of ice problem in the winter.
[16:13] THISPARTYISNSFW: That makes me think the snow is running through towns looting stores and lighting shit on fire.
[16:13] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: snow does that shit
[16:13] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: it’s dangerous
[16:13] THISPARTYISNSFW: Snow’s got a gang mentality.
[16:13] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: i’ve seen snow set houses on fire.
[16:14] THISPARTYISNSFW: “OBAMA PREPARING FOR 2ND ICE AGE? DETAILS INSIDE”
[16:14] THISPARTYISNSFW: “PLUS 17 RECIPES FOR THE PERFECT HOLIDAY HAM
Collective Universe III – Ouija & Witchcraft
[15:35] gochrisuniverse: disco is how ian made his fortune
[15:36] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: pretty much
[15:36] slabcobot: it made me want to watch some brokencydde
[15:36] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: oh fucking god no
[15:36] THISPARTYISNSFW: Oh my God, Steven.
[15:36] slabcobot: ha
[15:36] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: don’t even bring up brokencyde
[15:36] THISPARTYISNSFW: Why would you say that.
[15:36] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: seriously.
[15:36] slabcobot: because it cracks me up
[15:36] THISPARTYISNSFW: Brokencyde is like Ouija boards to me.
[15:36] THISPARTYISNSFW: Some shit you just don’t fuck with.
[15:36] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: for real
[15:37] d3sboobs: ouija boards = childs play
[15:37] d3sboobs: i play that shit
[15:37] d3sboobs: my vag is witchcraft
[15:37] d3sboobs: so whatever
[15:37] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: i’m all about sacrificing goats and shit
[15:37] THISPARTYISNSFW: That’s cause you’re a fucking demon, Des.
[15:37] THISPARTYISNSFW: Hahahahaha
[15:37] d3sboobs: you know whats up joe
[15:37] d3sboobs: feel the wrath
[15:37] d3sboobs: im on some beetlejuice tip
[15:38] gochrisuniverse: how the fuck does ouija = weegee?
[15:38] d3sboobs: hahahahahahahahahaha
[15:38] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: it’s the dark arts, chris
[15:38] gochrisuniverse: hahaha
[15:38] gochrisuniverse: the dark arts of fucking dyslexia and shit
[15:38] d3sboobs: ahahahahaha
[15:38] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: haha
[15:39] gochrisuniverse: you know who came up with fucking the name ouiji?
[15:39] gochrisuniverse: that bowser ass baby
Collective Universe II – Finish it, Ian
[15:29] THISPARTYISNSFW: RA RA AH AH AH
[15:29] THISPARTYISNSFW: Finish it, Ian.
[15:29] THISPARTYISNSFW: FINISH HIM
[15:29] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: I’m not too good at it.
[15:29] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: but uhhhh
[15:30] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: RAH MA RAH MA MAA
[15:30] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: RAH MA
[15:30] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: RAH MA MAAA
[15:30] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: GAGA
[15:30] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: OOH LA LA
Collective Universe I – Babby Bowser
[14:26] d3sboobs: dats a cute babby
[14:26] d3sboobs: jk
[14:26] gochrisuniverse: he look like bowser
[14:26] THISPARTYISNSFW: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
[14:26] d3sboobs: hasasjskjskdsdjdhjshdjshd
[14:26] d3sboobs: hahahahahahahha
[14:26] d3sboobs: omg
[14:26] d3sboobs: ahashhsdsldkj
[14:26] gochrisuniverse: he looks like he hates mario
[14:26] gochrisuniverse: wif a spiked shell on his back
[14:27] THISPARTYISNSFW: HAHHHAHAHAHAHDISDJHSKLJDKJ
[14:27] d3sboobs: why yo babby gotta hate on mario like dat
[14:27] gochrisuniverse: why yo baby have no respect for mario?
[15:12] THISPARTYISNSFW: What is that he’s holding?
[15:12] THISPARTYISNSFW: A phone?
[15:12] gochrisuniverse: “hahaha, dude, funny story. i gotta’ get back to this call”
[15:13] d3sboobs: hahahahahha
[15:13] d3sboobs: doesnt matta, hes bowsa
[15:13] d3sboobs: he can hold whateva the fuck he wants
[15:13] gochrisuniverse: he can do wuteva he liiiiikes
[15:13] THISPARTYISNSFW: I love this baby.
[15:13] gochrisuniverse: baby’s all
[15:13] gochrisuniverse: “hang on… joe, did you want hawaiian or just pepperoni?”
[15:14] THISPARTYISNSFW: HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA
[15:14] THISPARTYISNSFW: DAS MAH BABY FREN
[15:14] THISPARTYISNSFW: ORDERIN ME PIZZA
[15:14] d3sboobs: hahahahahahhahaha
[15:14] d3sboobs: its a flower phone to top it off
[15:14] d3sboobs: BITCH
[15:14] THISPARTYISNSFW: I am seriously in tears from laughing.
[15:14] gochrisuniverse: he’s all, “hahaha, joe – stop playin’. you want the sausage?”
[15:14] THISPARTYISNSFW: Imagining hanging out with this friendly ass baby
[15:15] THISPARTYISNSFW: And he’s trying to order pizza.
[15:15] THISPARTYISNSFW: From Round Table.
[15:15] THISPARTYISNSFW: But I keep fucking around.
[15:15] gochrisuniverse: joe, you’re all
[15:15] gochrisuniverse: “COOCHY COOO!!”
[15:15] THISPARTYISNSFW: HAHAHAHAHAAHA
[15:15] THISPARTYISNSFW: I’m jingling keys.
[15:15] d3sboobs: hahahahahahah
[15:15] THISPARTYISNSFW: “FUCK YOU, YOU KNOW I LOVE THAT.”
[15:16] THISPARTYISNSFW: “Hey dude, look at this.”
[15:16] THISPARTYISNSFW: *jingles keys*
[15:17] THISPARTYISNSFW: Babies–they’re so susceptible to deception and trickery.
[15:17] THISPARTYISNSFW: Skullduggery.
Cocaine on nose?
[16:54] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: i’m always a +50 CON
[16:54] gochrisuniverse: con?
[16:54] gochrisuniverse: cocaine on nose?
[16:54] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: contemplatiom, dawg
[16:54] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: jhaha
[16:54] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: nm
[16:54] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: ..\fjkc
[16:54] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: FUCKJ
[16:54] gochrisuniverse: hahahahahaha
[16:54] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: l.,asdksdklfjsd
[16:54] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
[16:54] gochrisuniverse: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
[16:54] gochrisuniverse: AAAHHHNNNNNN JAEGER
[16:54] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: hahahaha
[16:55] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: fucking typing while playing kof
[16:55] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: not really working out, clearly
Erikuu Panguu
[11:11] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: ayo
[11:11] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: it’s ya boy eric pang
[11:11] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: wuffud
[11:11] gochrisuniverse: hahahaha
[11:11] gochrisuniverse: AYO
[11:11] gochrisuniverse: you gotta scream it
[11:11] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: hahahaha
[11:11] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: fucking eric pang
[11:11] gochrisuniverse: AYO UNIVERSE
[11:11] gochrisuniverse: HEY MAN
[11:12] gochrisuniverse: DUDE, SO WHEN ARE WE GONNA JAM ON SUMODAT SF4?????
[11:12] gochrisuniverse: and then you just say like
[11:12] gochrisuniverse: “oh, yeah. whenever, man”
[11:12] gochrisuniverse: and he’s all
[11:12] gochrisuniverse: PSSSSH!!! WELL… FUCK
[11:12] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: lmao
[11:13] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: ERIC PANG
[11:13] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: the name simply strikes fear into the hearts of the masses
[11:13] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: ERIC PANG
[11:13] FIXATEDONPLASTIC: *rraaaahhh raaahhhhh rrrrrrahhhhh*
An asymmetrical hair cut