Go, Chris Universe

I guess that bitch could ride trunk

GOCHRISUNIVERSE — Sun, 06 Jun 2010 04:22:46 +0000

gochrisuniverse (9:17:50 PM): i really wanna fuck girl in the middle [of a picture the reader cannot see]

gochrisuniverse (9:17:52 PM): she’s not even like

gochrisuniverse (9:17:53 PM): dope

gochrisuniverse (9:17:57 PM): but i just wanna

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (9:18:18 PM): i mean

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (9:18:24 PM): i guess that bitch could ride trunk

gochrisuniverse (9:18:33 PM): HAHAHAHAHAHA

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (9:18:39 PM): but she’s not sitting in the car or anything

Throwin’ down the gauntlet

GOCHRISUNIVERSE — Sun, 06 Jun 2010 04:13:35 +0000

gochrisuniverse (9:07:59 PM): you know how women can do that pose

gochrisuniverse (9:08:11 PM): they’re on their hands and feet, but arching their back?

gochrisuniverse (9:08:13 PM): like, stomach to the air

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (9:08:18 PM): mhm

gochrisuniverse (9:09:52 PM): so say she’s doing that

gochrisuniverse (9:09:56 PM): one dude’s fuckin’ her

gochrisuniverse (9:09:59 PM): one dude’s gettin’ a beej

gochrisuniverse (9:10:05 PM): is that then called a london bridge?

gochrisuniverse (9:10:11 PM): or do we say fuck the british

gochrisuniverse (9:10:15 PM): and call it the brooklyn bridge?

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (9:10:24 PM): brooklyn, dawg

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (9:10:37 PM): europe already got the eiffel tower

gochrisuniverse (9:10:45 PM): true

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (9:10:48 PM): and that shit is straight up american, this brooklyn bridge

gochrisuniverse (9:11:02 PM): i’m about to shed a tear, it’s so american

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (9:11:05 PM): those limey faggots aren’t gonna try something so daring

gochrisuniverse (9:11:19 PM): hahahaha

gochrisuniverse (9:11:20 PM): limey!

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (9:11:33 PM): you know me

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (9:11:37 PM): throwin’ down the gauntlet

44 hours a day

GOCHRISUNIVERSE — Sun, 06 Jun 2010 00:17:13 +0000

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:12:45 PM): people need to fucking realize

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:12:46 PM): sometimes

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:12:53 PM): you just don’t wanna fuckin’ do shit

gochrisuniverse (5:13:03 PM): for real

gochrisuniverse (5:13:10 PM): or sometimes plans just don’t work out

gochrisuniverse (5:13:13 PM): get over it

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:13:16 PM): like, it’s not that i don’t wanna see people or whatever

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:13:23 PM): i just wanna fuckin’ chill the fuck out and contemplate

gochrisuniverse (5:13:31 PM): can’t a dude just contemplate?

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:13:36 PM): right?

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:13:53 PM): like, where the fuck did the law that says, “contemplative ass dudes can contemplate only on their own time”

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:13:54 PM): fuck that

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:13:58 PM): i contemplate when i want to

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:14:07 PM): which is 44/7

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:14:10 PM): that’s right

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:14:11 PM): 44/7

gochrisuniverse (5:14:15 PM): hahahahahaha

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:14:30 PM): i contemplate so fucking hard sometimes i extend a day by 20 fucking hours

Straight up racist

GOCHRISUNIVERSE — Fri, 21 May 2010 06:20:57 +0000

THISPARTYISNSFW (11:18:20 PM): Fuck, take that shit down, lol.

THISPARTYISNSFW (11:18:27 PM): That shit is straight up racist, Chris.

THISPARTYISNSFW (11:18:44 PM): You know how many Asian people are gonna be fucking mad at me?

THISPARTYISNSFW (11:18:49 PM): Billions.

The audacity of that continent

GOCHRISUNIVERSE — Fri, 21 May 2010 06:16:19 +0000

gochrisuniverse (11:12:59 PM): you know who doesn’t do it for me?

THISPARTYISNSFW (11:13:08 PM): Who?

gochrisuniverse (11:13:10 PM): 98% of asian women

THISPARTYISNSFW (11:13:45 PM): God. I know.

THISPARTYISNSFW (11:13:59 PM): They’re seriously so fucking…ugh.

gochrisuniverse (11:14:11 PM): just like, what are you thinking?

gochrisuniverse (11:14:16 PM): when we went to karaoke

gochrisuniverse (11:14:18 PM): it was in koreatown

gochrisuniverse (11:14:21 PM): just a bunch of ‘em

gochrisuniverse (11:14:22 PM): and i was like

gochrisuniverse (11:14:22 PM): okay

gochrisuniverse (11:14:26 PM): gotta’ be at least ONE cute one

gochrisuniverse (11:14:27 PM): NYOPE

gochrisuniverse (11:14:29 PM): NEWP

gochrisuniverse (11:14:30 PM): NADA

THISPARTYISNSFW (11:14:39 PM): The audacity of that continent, man.

THISPARTYISNSFW (11:14:46 PM): Producing billions of subpar women.

Does the Pope shit in the woods?

GOCHRISUNIVERSE — Mon, 17 May 2010 00:32:23 +0000

gochrisuniverse (5:11:55 PM): i love kayden

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:13:12 PM): she’s a little too clever for her own good

gochrisuniverse (5:13:25 PM): i’d agree

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:13:52 PM): i wonder how many people in her classes know what she does

gochrisuniverse (5:14:03 PM): i’d guess all

gochrisuniverse (5:14:13 PM): i want to transfer to her school before she graduates

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:14:21 PM): i can’t jack off to her anymore.

gochrisuniverse (5:14:35 PM): i think i did once when joe first mentioned her

gochrisuniverse (5:14:48 PM): now i just wanna get dinner

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:15:06 PM): lol

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:15:17 PM): i want to just sit there and talk to her

gochrisuniverse (5:15:44 PM): i really wanna take her to the concert

gochrisuniverse (5:15:56 PM): i’ll boot beth with the quickness

gochrisuniverse (5:16:08 PM): “hey beth, this pornstar — kayden kross — wants your ticket. sorry”

gochrisuniverse (5:16:26 PM): i bet kayden would be like

gochrisuniverse (5:16:33 PM): as we get there

gochrisuniverse (5:16:37 PM): she pulls out a bottle of something

gochrisuniverse (5:16:47 PM): and we get smashed before we get in

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:16:51 PM): i would be her coat rack

gochrisuniverse (5:17:02 PM): i’d get on all fours so she could get a better view

gochrisuniverse (5:17:08 PM): give that bitch a boost

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:17:26 PM): lol

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:17:35 PM): I would make food for her

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:17:54 PM): I would throw my 6000 dollar white blazer in the mud so she could walk across it

gochrisuniverse (5:18:52 PM): i would take her on a date to a cozy bookstore so we can explore each others sensibilities and tastes through conversation about the different books we see

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:19:05 PM): i hate books

gochrisuniverse (5:19:15 PM): score 1 for me, then

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:19:23 PM): I sell coke

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:19:27 PM): score 5000 for me

gochrisuniverse (5:19:29 PM): hahaha

gochrisuniverse (5:19:37 PM): do you really have a $6000 white blazer?

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:19:46 PM): does the pope shit in the woods?

Perfectly summed

GOCHRISUNIVERSE — Mon, 17 May 2010 00:26:20 +0000

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:21:29 PM): hahaha fucking, my friends and i were talking about me selling like

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:21:34 PM): 2 days ago

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:21:46 PM): my one friend sells weed and he’s always got a huge ass bookbag full

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:21:58 PM): and they’re like, “man, you should just sell weed. you don’t smoke so it’d be all profit”

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:22:03 PM): which is true

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:22:14 PM): but then I said, if i were to sell anything, it’d be coke

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:22:18 PM): more money.

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:22:25 PM): plus it’s not as scummy as weed

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:22:53 PM): weed is so low class

gochrisuniverse (5:24:33 PM): i was gonna’ say that

gochrisuniverse (5:24:35 PM): you’re above weed

gochrisuniverse (5:24:45 PM): weed is for unmotivated fucks

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:24:47 PM): exactly

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:24:54 PM): coke is for jetsetting go getters

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (5:24:59 PM): that’s us

Just throwing that out there

GOCHRISUNIVERSE — Wed, 12 May 2010 02:25:34 +0000

gochrisuniverse (7:20:12 PM): man, dawg
gochrisuniverse (7:20:16 PM): she’s got a fuckin’ kid
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (7:20:24 PM): lmao
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (7:20:32 PM): is it just me
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (7:20:41 PM): or does that instantly make her less attractive?
gochrisuniverse (7:20:49 PM): way less
gochrisuniverse (7:21:07 PM): that shit aint tight
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (7:21:13 PM): the whole milf thing doesn’t really kick in until like age 35
gochrisuniverse (7:21:22 PM): yeah dude
gochrisuniverse (7:21:34 PM): prior to that, you’re just a fuckin’ shitty human being
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (7:21:41 PM): basically
gochrisuniverse (7:21:53 PM): you’re just a misfit if you have a kid pre-35
gochrisuniverse (7:22:00 PM): 25, i should say
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (7:22:03 PM): yeah basically
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (7:22:08 PM): 25-35 it’s whatever
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (7:22:50 PM): the whole idea of fucking someone’s mom isn’t really all that enticing until they’re old enough to understand that you’re defiling their mother.
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (7:23:05 PM): just throwing that out there.

Some other-worldly shit

GOCHRISUNIVERSE — Mon, 03 May 2010 10:35:58 +0000

THISPARTYISNSFW (3:16:44 AM): Sometimes shit can be painful, man.
THISPARTYISNSFW (3:17:04 AM): One time when I was a little kid on the way home from some deep ass family party with my parents I had to take this shit, right.
THISPARTYISNSFW (3:17:11 AM): It was a massive rock monster.
THISPARTYISNSFW (3:17:17 AM): Some other-worldly shit.
THISPARTYISNSFW (3:17:21 AM): A golem.
THISPARTYISNSFW (3:17:53 AM): And we’re like 10 miles from home and I’m like, “DAD PLEASE—DAD PLEASE PULL OVER I HAVE TO POO SO BAD.”
THISPARTYISNSFW (3:18:15 AM): My dad’s like, “Just chill and hold it. We’re like ten minutes away from home.”
THISPARTYISNSFW (3:18:38 AM): And I’m like, “NO, NO, YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND. I KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO GIVE BIRTH NOW.”
THISPARTYISNSFW (3:18:55 AM): And my mom is just like, “You do not know what it’s like to give birth.”
THISPARTYISNSFW (3:19:29 AM): And I have to cuddle up in the fetal position in the back seat cause I’m about to shit out Stone Henge.
THISPARTYISNSFW (3:20:10 AM): And when we get home I gotta take laxative cause I had been eating too much meat and my shit was for real just like, “Yeah, yall gotta soften me up.”
THISPARTYISNSFW (3:20:21 AM): I will probably never forget that day for as long as I live.
THISPARTYISNSFW (3:21:02 AM): What kinda sucks is that story is seriously not embellished one bit.
THISPARTYISNSFW (3:21:11 AM): That’s about as close to the truth as fucking video footage.

White with cocaine

GOCHRISUNIVERSE — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 17:21:42 +0000

FIXATEDONPLASTIC (10:18:16 AM): I run this shit.
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (10:18:57 AM): These streets run white with cocaine
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (10:19:01 AM): now they’re gonna run red
FIXATEDONPLASTIC (10:19:05 AM): with your blood.